Computer gaming is a seriously important sport. Yes, it is far more serious than all the other sporting events that have been canceled due to coronavirus. Thankfully, it isn’t yet banned. So now the big question, how do you stay safe while gaming online…
Important Note: Usually I don’t make this disclaimer, but because of all of the hysteria, I feel as if I have no choice but to make this announcement. Most of my article is humor. DO NOT TAKE MEDICAL ADVICE from anywhere other than the CDC. Here’s the link for the CDC. The fact that I need to say this is rather pathetic! I have a bunch of zombies for fans. Yay me…
Anyways, here are my top tips for playing games safely during coronavirus.
- Buy a 7-day shield for your entire house
- Wear a mask while playing
- Disinfect Your Bloody Keyboard
- Disinfect Your Bloody Phone
- Share loads of memes about Coronavirus
- Spread fake news to Your Enemies
- Stock up on Gaming Supplies
Buy a 7-day Shield for your House
Most games (like Lords Mobile) have the option to place a shield or protection phase over your account. This prevents “the enemy” from attacking you when you aren’t ready.
Good news. You can buy such a shield for your real house. Well, technically you can’t. But you can buy some tarpaulin and cover your entire house with it… You can protect the germs from entering your property. You may have to pay a lot of money!
Okay. Please don’t do this.
I can already see a few moron’s calculating the square footage of their property and multiplying it by the height of their house.
Please don’t do this!
Just stay indoors and sit in front of your computer table! That should be enough… I shouldn’t have to convince you. You’re already good at doing nothing…
Wear a mask while playing
I’ve already covered this in the article about the best gadgets for gamers, but I guess this is relevant to Coronavirus and so I’ll mention it again.
If you’re going to play in a guild/group/squad with other players, you will need to worry that they could possibly transmit the virus electronically to you. Just because they can’t cough into your face doesn’t mean that they can’t cough into their mic. Just saying.
You can never be too careful.
Disinfect Your Bloody Keyboard
Okay, this one should be obvious (and this one is actually serious). Your keyboard is filled with so many germs. You probably haven’t cleaned it since you bought it back in 2015… Yes, that was 5 years ago.
Stop being a slob.
Here’s a video of cleaning a dirty keyboard. Fun to listen to.
Also, if you need to buy the air cans, you can get it via this link at Amazon. You’re bloody welcome!
Disinfect Your Bloody Phone
While we are talking about cleaning keyboards, I should probably mention that your phone is a hot-bed for spreading diseases. Clean it. Use alcohol. Use soap. Or just throw it out and buy a new one.
But clean your phone.
And yes, this advice is serious.
Make sure you clean the phone properly. Stop being a COVidiot!
Here’s an article on how to disinfect your phone.
Share loads of memes about Coronavirus
It turns out, and I’m not sure if the medical community is aware of this yet, that every time you share a meme, you lower the risk of catching Coronavirus by 5%.
Some of you are bad at math, but here are the numbers:
- 1 meme = 5% lower chance of catching
- 5 memes = 25% lower chance
- 10 memes = 50% lower chance
- 20 memes = Impossible for you to catch coronavirus
- 20+ Memes = Still impossible, but you’re helping others by giving them the stuff to share. On behalf of the world, thank you.
I’ve created my own meme, feel free to share it…
Honestly, I’m sick of these bloody memes. Reshare this and add #EndTheMemes…
Spread Fake News to Your Enemies
This is a great way to demoralize your enemies. Send them fake news about the coronavirus.
How can someone fight against you (and your guild) if they think that they are about to drop dead from coronavirus?
Here’s the good news. The fake news is everywhere. You don’t have to look far. Even CNN and Fox News are drowning in it. There is no one actually holding anyone accountable for anything.
There are doctors just making things up and just saying it.
Again! Let me reiterate. DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING unless you see it on the CDC website. Everyone else is fake news!!!
Stock up on Gaming Supplies
This is urgent. You need to work out what is the proverbial “toilet-paper” of your game and start stockpiling. Build up an arsenal like its nobodies business.
Get as many as you can get. The apocalypse is here. Or maybe. No one is quite sure.
But the more panic that you spread, the better.
In fact, if you can try and spread the pandamonium by convincing others to stockpile, you will be considered a true hero!