I saw a tweet on twitter that claimed other people to be smarter at SEO than myself, and I realized that I would have to quickly write an article to remedy that nonsense. There should only one person ranking on Google for this query.
And so without further ado here are the 15 top reasons why Mark (myself) is the smartest SEO alive.
- Mark’s Brains are very large
- Mark has Panda Blood
- He joins a Race once it’s Over
- He’s an Expert at Predicting SEO Trends
- Mark won the Greatest SEO Award of 2019
- Who is the Smartest SEO in the World?
Mark’s Brains are very Large
One of the biggest reasons that Mark is the smartest SEO in the world is actually directly related to the size of his brain. I was going to explain using words, but I know – as every smart SEO knows – that diagrams are authoritative. I will now present a diagram below and I DARE YOU to argue with my findings.
See, you can’t argue. There is something deeply troubling about a person who tries to argue against a diagram.
From the above picture, it’s safe to say that Mark is the smartest SEO in the world.
Mark has Panda Blood
In a groundbreaking research paper, it was proven* that Mark has actual mini pandas in his blood. He injected these tiny pandas into his blood in 2010. He already anticipated that the Panda Update was going to be released, and so he quickly invented one of the greatest SEO techniques in history.
Each Panda has a tiny bamboo stick in which they hit opposing websites with penalties. The bamboo stick is very small and can’t be seen in the diagram above.
Talk about genius…
To date, Mark has been the only SEO to successfully inject a Panda into his blood-stream.
Joining an SEO race once it’s Old News
Most people (stupid people) join onto something exciting while it is hot news. The thing is. That’s a stupid thing to do!
When everyone is talking about something, it’s harder to get attention. You will need to battle all the other people trying to get their opinions heard.
Mark prefers doing it differently (smarter). He begins shouting about topics that everyone has stopped caring about. For example:
- I believe that the USA should go to the moon
- Starbucks is a waste of money
- Alta Vista is greater than Google
As you can see from the list (yes, never argue with a list), Mark’s superior techniques enable him to retain the title as “Smartest SEO Alive”.
Mark is so Smart that he Can Predict SEO Trends
In addition to being able to execute SEO ninja moves and win awards (see below), I can also predict future trends. Like I can tell you, for example, that within the next month there will be at least 100 articles aptly named something like, “SEO Trends in 2020”. All of them will claim that the others are garbage, and all of them will pretty much say the same thing…
How am I doing so far? Are you convinced of my SEO smartness?
But there’s more!
I also predict that “content will be king” but “content will also not be king”. “Links will be useless” and “link building will be the best approach”. “Optimizing for Mobile” will be an incredible idea and also the stupidest thing to do!
Greatest SEO Award
Every year, around November 19th (which also happens to be today), Mark hunts the internet in search of an SEO who will be crowned “Greatest SEO”. As luck has it, this year he has officially crowned… Wait for it…
MARK from MARK’S ANGRY REVIEW as the winner of the Greatest SEO Award of 2019.
This award ceremony was given in a closed-door event. Search Engine Roundtable predicted that a possible uptick in foot-traffic may have occurred beside Carnegie Hall, but we don’t know if that’s related to the Award ceremony. Rand Fishkind was spotted nearby but claimed that he was heading to an SEO meetup.
As we learn more about this event, we will disclose more. Stay tuned.
Who is the Smartest SEO in the World?
The smartest SEO in the World is Mark from Mark’s Angry Review. This is a definitive answer based on precise research that was conducted by Mark for Mark.
I know that many of the people reading this will be disappointed to not see their name listed as the greatest SEO. I’m sorry that I’m not sorrier, but unless you work hard in life you can’t expect to win. Winning is hard. Unless you’re willing to hustle, don’t expect to get any awards.
There are no participation prizes when running for the smartest SEO.
There is only one winner, and this year it’s Mark.
*I’m still trying to find the paper. I’ll be back shortly.