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Mark’s Review of Google

I want to start off by attacking the worst monster of all. Google. A bunch of self-obsessed morons, driven by an endless source of power, and held accountable by no one but themselves.

Google: A solid proof that evolution may be moving back in reverse, and a scary forecast of our future.

Reasons I hate Google:

– I just do.

– The thousands of businesses (yes, thousands) who ranked high in Google until one day Google tossed them off the map and left them high and dry. These people lost their livelihood because of Google, and without as much of warning found themselves jobless and poor. Google’s secret, messed up algorithms ruined these people’s life, and Google without even offering an explanation (or offer of assistance) kicked these people to the curb.

– Their logo. I hate their logo. It’s ugly.

– Their doodles. 9 times out of 10 the doodles look like the artwork of a drunk monkey with severe disabilities. Don’t believe me? Have a look. None of the drawings make any sense.

– Their algorithms are getting worse. I’ve read the blogs of SEO experts and apparently, Google are making lots of ridiculous algorithms that are hurting the businesses that get hit by them.

– The names of their updates! Who would name such terrible sources of angst after such cute animals? What the heck did the penguin or panda ever do wrong to deserve to be the reason so many mom-and-pop stores are now trailing on page 1000 of google?

What did the hummingbird do wrong? Seriously. That’s one self motivated bird. It should be an inspiration to us all, instead of the trigger of a river of expletives.

– The messiness. No need to explain. Go to Google (please don’t) and take a look at the dead-ugly clutter. It’s about as organized as a heroin-addict’s teeth.

– The name sounds ridiculous.

Better alternatives to Google:

– Bing, yahoo, white pages, or a even one of those annoying paper-mail community directories. Anything but google. Heck, use a typewriter and stay off the internet. Just don’t use that evil, ugly, corporate, monstrous, searching entity.

In conclusion:

That’s it for now. Expect me to expand on this article. If there are any reasons why you hate google please hit me up in the comments. If you have any good things to say, please go to another blog. I don’t want to hear it. If you want to argue with me, go ahead. Don’t be polite, but don’t curse.

To read more Google Anger, check out Josh Bachynski blog.